Is This Man An Asshole For Fucking His Own Peanut Butter That His Roommate Later Ate?

Is this story real? Not even a little bit. But once it hit twitter and the discourse around this scenario kicked off, that was enough for me to call it at least a reasonable hypothetical worthy of discussion.

Is this dude an asshole for fucking his peanut butter and having his buddy unwillingly eat it? Initially I thought: of course not. Rules had been set, that’s your peanut butter, it’s a free country, do with it what you please. But once I started thinking about it, yeah this dude is an asshole. Not because his roommate ate his dick butter. That is still the roommate’s fault. But what kind of asshole fucks his peanut butter and then puts it back for further use? You’re not going back to the peanut butter trick with your girl next time you’re in the mood, you’re probably going to try something else. Keep pushing those bounds until you end up in a situation which you were highly unprepared for that ultimately mentally scars you for life, like an adult. You don’t go back to the peanut butter move two nights later. And you’re certainly not going to eat your own dick peanut butter on a PB & Fluff for lunch the next day. That’s tarnished butter for the trash and trash alone.

So while I agree the roommate remains at fault for eating food that didn’t belong to him, it is clear to me that this guy isn’t telling the whole story. His motives were not as pure and innocent as he would like us to believe. He wasn’t just trying to spice up his sex life with his lady. He was trying to kill two birds with one stone. He KNEW his roommate was going to eat his food again and he set him up for the long con. The only way he was ever going to get people to stop eating his food was through drastic measures and it truly does not get more drastic than this. Never again will anyone touch this guy’s food in fear that he fucked it before he put it back in the pantry. A genius, deviant move right out of a page from the playbook of Dennis Reynolds.

Final verdict: sounds like a house full of assholes to this man.